sembreak... i love it.

at first i thought i will not enjoy it. it's been 4 months since i went here in pampanga. but i never thought that i will love it.

"The OC" is keeping me company. and so is my dad. i never realized how much i missed him. hehe.

soOoOoO... i'm excited sa upcoming sembreak camp ng COP. it will start this sunday until wednesday. Ü

after this... what? i'm now in an internet cafe and i don't know what to do next...

facial @ dermstrata? or starbucks? or yellow cab? or CrePes & creams?

dunno.

yesterday, i was busy arranging my things that i will bring to school. it's already 3pm and i was supposed to meet chellie and jamie at around 3:30pm. i am really tensed because i am the type of person who hates being late and i hate the idea that i am making others wait. my mom was nudging me to eat bibingka before i go so i have no choice but to eat. my grandfather was eating while watching the news about a bombing incident around 1:30pm. something caught my eye. i think i saw something familiar. when i looked closely, i saw glorietta 2, in a wreck. i was shocked. i was dumbfounded. i never thought that something like that will happen.

yes, nakakarinig ako ng balita na may sumasabog and everything but not here in luzon. mostly, sa mindanao. inisip ko, "is it still safe to go out?" chellie and me were planning to eat at robinsons pa naman after namin ipass ang fil50 take home exam namin. (we ended up eating at robinsons mcdonalds with jamie. hehe.)

later that night, upon getting home, i opened the tv. i saw tons and tons of people being interviewed by reporters. i saw a lady in a wheelchair and she is 81 years old. and she survived with the help of her katulong. hindi pa niya oras.

realization struck me: life is too unpredictable. one day you're here, standing on solid ground, one day, you'll find your dead body, lying somewhere. one day your family is so happy, knowing that you are with them, one day, you will see them crying, wailing, shouting, cursing because you left them. life is too short. we will never know when will God/death will take us.

i admit. i am living with regrets. i have so many "what ifs". i am never contented with what i achieved and i always end up blaming myself for not doing my best (though i did my best).

another realization: i need to get rid of this regrets thing. nothing will happen if i just blame myself and regret everything that i did. regretting will not stop the war. regretting will not change the world. regretting will not promote "world peace." regretting will never make me feel good.

"i, christine lovely g. mayo, solemnly promise that i will try my best not to regret the things i've done. i will try my best to live my life as it is and to have it to the full. i will surrender EVERYTHING to God and just trust Him all the time. i will look at the windshield, not in the rear view mirror. i will excitedly look to the future, and try my best not to regret the things in the past."

i really love eating even if it's not obvious because i'm not fat (but i am now fatter than before!). when i was in high school, my favorite comfort food is arce dairy's collection of sherbets. but sherbets are hard to find in supermarkets so i don't get to eat them(?) that often. next in line is... ah! french fries! i really love potatoes! another comfort food is chocolate. but this past few days, i'm really craving for SanFo Treats.

when i first heard about SanFo Treats, i was like, "what? a caramel covered apple?! that's disgusting!". i found it weird eating an apple covered with caramel (or cinnamon) topped with marshmallows, sprinkled with different kinds of stuffs.

when my mom and i went shopping 3 weeks ago, i brought her to SanFo Treats' stall. i told her that i think it is not delicious (though it looks delicious). because my mom was curious, she told me to buy one and we should taste it. little did i know that that will be the start of an addiction.

eating SanFo treats became a comfort to me. it's like it's telling me that even if the apple looks weird, when you eat it, you will love its sweetness and juiciness not realizing that once in your life, you found it weird and disgusting.

life is sweet. so let us not spend our time being bitter about "something" that we should not really pay attention to and be bitter about. continue eating the sweet and juicy apple that God gave us. Ü

hey. this is my new blog. i promise that this will be the last time that i will change my url (both in multiply site and here in blogspot). i was (and still am) depressed because of what happened (i failed bio22, if you still don't know it) that's why i decided to delete my blogs (multiply and blogspot). i changed my url. wala lang.

yes. i know life goes on. yes i know there's still hope blah blah. i still trust God. though i will never deny that i questioned Him (it's normal. i'm depressed. i know God understands me). i kept on asking Him why me, why bio22, what's the point? i may never know what His answers are (for now) but i know that He knows what He is doing. yes, it's really hard to accept, knowing that you did your best, you trusted Him, you did everything. but i know God has a wonderful plan for me. i just need to let Him do what He wants to do. i know He's just testing my faith and He just wants to know how much i trust Him.

i just want to thank all of you who comforted and encouraged me. true enough, you will know who your true friends are in times of trouble. thanks, mom, for hugging me and crying with me. thanks, dad, for calling and for telling me that you love me even if i failed bio22. thanks, eph, for just listening to me when i rant and cry over the phone. thanks, twin chellie, for being with me, accompanying me, and asking me to go on a date with you. Ü thanks, jamie, for the encouraging words that you texted me. thanks, yssa, for making me laugh. thanks, chessa, for telling me that i am special to you, that you will miss me, and that you love me. though i've only known you for 3 months (?), you've been so nice to me. i'll see you sa AS. Ü to my blockmates, thanks for reminding and telling me that whatever happens, i will still be your blockmate. aba, i was once a part of block 15 batch 2012! and wala akong pinagsisisihan na napasama ako sa inyo because i met my real friends when i met all of you! thanks!

but as of now, please let me grieve... just for a moment.