Ugh. I hate couples being so mushy. Don't get me wrong. I have a boyfriend and being mushy is part of a relationship. But not so much mushiness.

There's a limit for everything, my dear. UGH. UGH. UGH!

I can't tolerate it anymore.

*****

Realization: People will never understand. No. They will never understand.

Parents? Maybe a bit.
Special someone? No. (especially if your special someone has no time for you)
Friends? No.
Classmates? No.
Acquaintances? No.
Others? NO.

They say that... I don't know how to put this. Ammm.... They say I'm lucky/blessed because I have so many time for myself (because of my TF classes). People think that I'm having the "time of my life". People think that I don't have problems. People think that whenever they feel like it, they'll just turn to me and unload their trash (because they think I don't have my own "trash issues").

Every time I try to tell people about my own "trash issues", they seem to just close their ears, minds, and hearts. They don't listen. My life is not perfect! So please... stop telling me about things that... I don't know.

People expect me always be there for them. They EXPECT too much from me.

So fed up...

...with studies
...with relationships (close or not)
...with what's happening
...with... ....

Oh Lord. I need help. Whenever I try to make people understand what I'm feeling, nothing happens. Nobody understands. Only God understands.

I CAN DO THIS.

Labels: argh, emo, realizations

0 comments

According to Wikipedia:

• Dreams allow the repressed parts of the mind to be satisfied through fantasy while keeping the conscious mind from thoughts that would suddenly cause one to awaken from shock.
• Dreams are like the cleaning-up operations of computers when they are off-line, removing parasitic nodes and other "junk" from the mind during sleep.
• Dreams regulate mood.
• More recent research by Griffin has led to the formulation of the 'expectation fulfillment theory of dreaming', which suggests that dreaming metaphorically completes patterns of emotional expectation and lowers stress levels.

But because people say that Wikipedia is not a reliable site (because any member can edit articles published there), I decided to look for another site that I think is more credible.

According to Interpretation of Dreams, Sigmund Freud:

• A dream is the conscious expression of an unconscious fantasy or wish which is not accessible to the individual waking life.
• Every dream represents a wish fulfillment.
• Dream images represent the unconscious wishes or thought disguised by symbolization.

I've been really curious about the real meaning of dreams because these past few weeks, no, make that MONTHS, I've been dreaming about the same person but with different scenarios. And every time I dream about that person, in my dreams, I'm always happy. I'm always laughing. I'm always smiling. So I always end up waking happy (my mood was altered, yeah right).

The person I dream about is a part of my life. That person is my friend but I can say that we're still in the getting-to-know-each-other stage. I still don't know much about that person and vice versa. So it really puzzles and amazes me why I always dream about that person.

I just hope I'll know the reason why... SOON. I want to understand WHY. I want to KNOW why.

Labels: dreams

0 comments

	Your Mind is 60% Cluttered
	Your mind is starting to get cluttered, and as a result, it's a little harder for you to keep focused. Try to let go of your pettiest worries and concerns. The worrying is worse than the actual problems!

Labels: blah, emo, rants

0 comments

I'm so excited to study teeth!!!!!!!!

While waiting for our prof, my conversation with AJ drifted to teeth. Then nagdrawing kami ng mga ipin. I told him that I don't think I'll be a good dentist because I don't know how to draw! Nahirapan talaga ako magdrawing ng ipin. So drinawing ni AJ ang alam niyang pinakamadaling drawing ng ipin sa lahat: incisor.

At ginaya ko drawing niya. Hahaha. I had so much fun sa pagdradrawing na kahit na nagdidiscuss na prof namin, pag naiinip ako, nagdradrawing ako ng ipin. Hahahaha. Hanggang Comm3, nagdradrawing ako.

I'm so excited to enter proper! I'm trusting God that I will enter dentistry proper next school year. I know WE can do it. God will help me. =)

Labels: dentistry, UP

0 comments

WOW. I really had fun doing our interview with Mr. Ramon Bautista. He's so funny! I was laughing the whole time. He's always calling me "doc" after he found out that I'm a DDM student. I must admit: It feels so good hearing people call you doc. ;)

Our interview was not that serious, thanks to Mr. Ramon Bautista. Hahaha. This just shows who he really is. No pretensions. Just Ramon Bautista himself.

I'm still not over it. Hahaha!

My hell weeks are officially over! 2 straight weeks of exams, finished! Gone! Yey! So I treated myself and ate at Baker's Passion. Hehehe. I had a lot of fun having a date with... myself. Hahaha!

At ang best part ng katatapos na hell weeks? I can read Eclipse kahit gaano katagal without feeling guilty! Yey! I love Edward Cullen! Hehehe.

BITE ME!!!!! Hahaha! =P

** My post is full of "hahahas" and "hehehes". I think I'm just so happy that my hell weeks are over. ; p **

Labels: fun, photos, random

0 comments

Weeeeeh! One of my wishes this 2008 was granted! I now have the complete Twilight series!!! =)

I just bought Twilight and New Moon today after my class. (Bought Eclipse last Sunday and Breaking Dawn last Wednesday)

In just 6 days, all my savings "flew". Hahaha. Does this prove that I'm a Twilight addict or not?

If you haven't read it already, what are you waiting for! Read it. I've never been a fan of these kinds of novels/books before (ex Harry Potter) but look, because of Twilight, my whole perspective changed (owwwwwws?). Hehehe.

This week and next week (sort of) are my toxic weeks. It's as if professors connived para pagsabay sabayin exams namin. I know I will survive. This too shall pass.

And because I'm filled with toxicity, I promised myself that I will not blog 'til Sunday next week. I will still check my mail (for important e-mails), Friendster (to greet my contact who's having a birthday soon) and online shop (for orders) though.

Labels: acads, books, goodbyes, photos, twilight, wish

0 comments

Please... I'm begging ALL of you! Please sign this petition for the early release of the movie Twilight here in the Philippines. They are planning to release it on January (because it may somehow affect the MMFF) but Twilight's fans (like me) want it to be released on December. So please, SIGN THE PETITION. We need 5, 000 signatures. Thank you!

If we reach the needed signatures, Ayala might consider airing the movie on December 12 (or earlier).

Labels: twilight

0 comments

It's already past 12 midnight, and here I am, arranging my blogspot site. I can say that so far, this layout/background/skin is the most personalized skin I used. I added touches to it and made it more "myself".

Hmmm. I guess my current addiction is arranging this site.

Ciao!

Labels: random

0 comments

I know I've been posting so many entries these past few days. This is the drawback of having only two days of classes every week.

I find myself easily bored here in our house. So I tend to always surf the net and blog about anything (like now). I always want to get out of this house because... because... because... I better keep it to myself. But I don't want to waste my money hanging out somewhere so I just stay inside my room or blog.

As you can see, I changed my layout (another drawback of having two days of classes every week). Just like my private blogspot site, the layouts I'm now using are pambata. Not really pambata but it makes you unleash the inner child in you.

I just realized that months from now, I will be turning 19. Whoa, time really flies! It was just yesterday that I was so excited to turn 18.

Honestly, I didn't feel like I'm already 18. Parang "age doesn't matter" to me. Hahaha. Parang habang dumadaan ang araw, I'm not thinking that I'm already 18 unless someone asks me how old (or young) I am. Everything was going too fast. I'll soon be in my last year of calling myself a "teen". Next year, I will be turning 20! And I still am not convinced that being a dentist is what I really want. But that's another story.

My 18th year in this earth was not really memorable. Actually, every time I look back at the things/events that occurred while I'm 18, thoughts of hurtful events come to my mind. But I surpassed all of those. I learned to solve everything, I learned to face everything with strength. Guess that makes me more mature and independent, huh? Hahaha.

Eph and I are now OK about the respect thing. He said the words I was waiting to hear for so long: I'm sorry and I promise to change.

Those words were all I needed to hear to forgive him, to go back to him, and to start all over again. I've heard so many "I'm sorrys" in my life, but I know, this one is the sorry I will treasure the most.

P.S. He just wants me to clarify this. He's not forcing me to do IT. Baka daw kasi iniisip ng mga tao, ang reason why may issues kami about respect is he's forcing me to do the deed with him. A big flat NO! Sana po hindi 'yun ang inisip niyo sa kanya. Respect issues like being on time, etc lang po ang aming naging issues. And the deed is not included there. He just wants me to clarify it. Kawawa naman siya kung 'yun ang magiging tingin ng tao sa kanya. Thank you! =)

Labels: blah, random, realizations

0 comments

I now have the copy of Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer! Yey!

I was really not planning to buy this book because I wanted to buy Twilight first. But I can't seem to find any copy!

So when I saw in Powerbooks that it was on sale (Robinsons is having a mid-year sale), I really wanted to buy it! But the problem is... I have no money. Boo!

Eph was with me that time so he gladly lent me some money so that I can buy the book! Thanks! =)

But, I still cannot read this because I'm not yet finished reading Twilight, the first book in the Twilight series (Eclipse is the third and the second book is New Moon). I'm still "in the process" of editing Twilight.

I can't wait for Breaking Dawn and Midnight Sun and the movie adaptation of Twilight!!! I am officially a Twilight fan!!!

Labels: books, photos

0 comments

Sarah is my Comm3 classmate. I'll never forget her physical features because she's really unique when you see her. When I first saw her, in front of our room, I noticed that she was holding a Bible.

Then we had our first "speech" which is telling something about yourself. I found out that madami siyang "lahi" (German, Spanish, etc) and she really loves God (she's a Catholic).

Every time I see someone I know, I always pretend that I didn't see them because I'm too shy to smile (except if super close ko na sa kanila). And that's what happened when Sarah entered our room one day. Our eyes met. She smiled. But I quickly looked away because I was too shy to smile. I ended up regretting it because she's a very nice person but look what I did to her!

When I had my practice impromptu speech, I was really nervous. I was stammering. I didn't know what to say. Then I saw Sarah. She was mouthing, "Kaya mo 'yan". And my confidence was boosted. I finished my speech because somebody believed in me. Somebody believed that I can do it.

After our class, I put my shyness aside and I approached her. I said a very shy "thank you" for what she did. She just smiled and said I loved your speech.

She had her impromptu speech yesterday. I don't really know what the title of her topic was, but her speech really affected me in a good way.

Her speech was the best speech I heard in my entire life. It's about importance. It's about what we want to do in our life. Will you spend your life worrying? Pay attention to the details and small hours of your life. Make a move to do things that matter.

I must admit, I tried to stop my tears from flowing while she was making her speech. Iba ang impact ng speech niya. We sometimes take things for granted.

Like me. I was too preoccupied loving others, sacrificing for others, being naive for others. I forgot how to love myself. I forgot how to put God first. I forgot to do things that really matter.

They say that before you can love others, you first need to love yourself. Sad to say, I forgot to obey this saying. I loved others MORE than I loved myself.

So yesterday, after her speech, I decided to spend some time alone, with MYSELF. I didn't realize how much I missed myself. I forgot the happiness Lovely brought to Lovely. I forgot myself because of my "sacrificial love" to other people (lagi namang hindi na-a-appreciate 'yun).

I'm not saying that I will never love people again. I'm just saying, I need to love myself first, before loving others.

It's really amazing how just one person can change your whole perspective in life. It's really amazing how a person can touch you, without her knowing. It's really amazing how God uses people to speak to us, to minister to us, to make us think.

And Sarah was the person that God used to help me change my life.

Thank you, Sarah. I will be forever thankful. =)

Labels: changes, realizations

0 comments